Excerpt from Holy Peace

“No, really.  Where do you think this is going?”

          Pal realized his friend was being serious, an attribute he didn’t favor much, but tolerated from his more melancholy partner.  “I don’t know.”

          “I think I do.”

           “Well, tell me what’s gonna happen.”

          “They’re going to take us back.  They’re going to make us go home.”

          “They haven’t been able to do that so far.”

          “That’s because they still think we have the hand-grenade.  When the soldier tells them the truth, they will come for us.”

          “I don’t want to go back.”

          “Don’t want to, or won’t?  Which is it, Pal?  You know, we have to decide.  It could happen at any moment.  We have to decide.”

          “We have to decide what?”

 “We have to decide what we’re going to do if they come here and try to make us go back.”

          “Well, we don’t have the hand-grenade.”

          “Don’t be stupid.  You think we were going to use the hand-grenade?”

          Pal rose to his knees.  “Don’t call me stupid!  If we weren’t going to use the hand-grenade, why did we have it?”

          “To scare them away, that’s why.  But they won’t be scared any more.  I just feel they’re coming for us.” 

          “Iz, I won’t let them take you.”

          “How will you stop them? My father is so angry, so mean.  I can still feel his anger pouring all over me, making me feel like I shrink before his eyes and become like a little ant that he can step on at any time and mash with his foot.”

          Pal reached out to touch his friend’s arm.  “No one’s going to mash us any more. “

          Iz looked up with his glassy stare.  “Are you with me?”

          “You know I am,” said Pal. 

          “No, are you with me?” Iz had gained an unnatural intensity. 

          “With you for what?”  Pal was afraid.  He didn’t know why his friend’s reactions sometimes seemed cold, foreboding.  There was something frozen in the heart of Iz that never quite thawed, no matter how much joy or warmth came into their lives. 

          Iz continued.  “Are you with me to the death?”

          “Death?”

          “I won’t go back alive.”

          Pal shook his head.  “I don’t want to die.  I came out here because I wanted to live.”

          Iz grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.  “But what if they won’t let us live?  What if they just come out here and act like we’re silly little boys and spank us and take us home?  I’m telling you, Pal, I can’t go back to Pada.  I can’t be that scared little ant anymore.”

          Pal nodded his head.  “So what do we do?”

          Iz scrambled to his feet and ran over to the portable toilet.  He entered the door and returned quickly, holding a pink stick in his hand.  “These came with the toilet.  They are poison.  If they come for us, we will break it into two pieces and each one of us eat half.”

          “Eat it?” Pal frowned. 

          “I won’t go back,” said Iz. 

          Pal nodded.  There was no need to resist.  The plan was made.  Time would tell.